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In case it helps anyone to have the information available online, here's the irreducible essence of the invitation you (hopefully) received a while back:

* the Kramp-Beasley wedding will begin with a "couple's shower" at the Best Western Carlinville Inn on Thursday at 8 p.m. Some of us know what "couple's shower" means better than others. The groom is personally terrified of what this term could mean.
* Friday morning will deal in some classic gender division: men inclined toward frustration in beautiful landscapes will leave the Best Western at 9:30 a.m. to play in the Mad Squirrel Invitational golf tournament. Women and less manly men (including the groom) will enter a berserker frenzy of colorful decoration.
* Friday from 3:30-5 p.m. we will hold a wedding rehearsal in the Clegg Chapel on the Blackburn campus. (You should already know about this if your presence will be required.)
* Friday night at 6 p.m. there will be a rehearsal and out-of-town-guest dinner at the Beasley residence on Shipman Road. This will not, repeat, will not go past midnight, so don't even try.
* The wedding proper will begin with a dinner at 6 p.m. at the Demuzio Dining Room at Blackburn College, which is near the campus's west entrance, just down the hill behind the Clegg Chapel. Guests are invited to arrive at 5:45 or thereabouts to get their bearings before the chaos begins.
* After dinner, between 7:30 and 8 p.m., the wedding party will move up the hill to the chapel for the wedding ceremony.
* After the wedding ceremony, we will move to the Beasley property (16194 Shipman Rd., Carlinville, IL 62626) for a reception that will include drinks, dancing, tents, and a cake that might well be heavier than you'd think.

With all that said (again), we refuse to retype directions to all these places. If you're absolutely incapable of bringing the invitation with you or using Internet map services, consider getting the info tattooed in a clearly visible area. In fact, this might be another prize we'll have to give: best wedding-related tattoo. And yes, tattoos received during the wedding itself will be eligible.